Missing Him

As we are getting ready for our 2nd family vacation I am excited but also a little sad. This Saturday will be 3 years since I lost one of the most important people in my life, my dad. I start to think about it as I am packing for our trip and the tears just start to flow. How has this happened and why? I should be getting ready to go on vacation and see him, to hug him when I get there and watch him as he plays with my son but that won't happen ever. He was taken from us way too soon and it's just not fair. I want to throw myself on the floor sometimes, kicking and screaming like a kid that didn't get their way because it's just not fair that he had to leave us when he did. It's not fair that I was planning a wedding and looked forward so much to having my dad walk me down the aisle and then I had that ripped from me 4 months before the date. It's not fair that I had my 1st child and will never see him hold my baby and play with him.

All of Jack's 1st have been so amazing, so great and there are some days that I wish I could call him and tell him because I know how excited he would have been to hear it all. He loved his grandchildren, it was fun to watch him with them because it showed me what he must have been like when we were small since I don't remember stuff like that.

Being daddy's little girl was always such a great thing. He was my best friend, my go to person, someone I could tell everything to and he was always so, so honest (sometimes a little too honest) and just always there. These days I think having been daddy's little girl has made it that much harder to deal with him not being here anymore. I just don't 'get it', I mean people tell me 'things happen for a reason' and things of that nature but I just don't get it. Why did this happen? What could possibly have been more important that he had to leave us and go up there rather than stay here and enjoy all that was to come?

I know I'll never have the answers to all of this but I still think about it sometimes. I try and tell Jack as much about Pop Pop as I can and Joe helps with things he knows too. Sometimes Joe says stuff and will turn to me and say 'your dad would have liked that one', usually about a joke or something and he's so right!

For now I will try my best to stay my usually positive self and have my dad live in Jack's life through stories and pictures and hope that Jack grows up knowing what an amazing man his Pop Pop was and how much he loves him even though he's not here to tell him himself.

Love & miss you more than words could ever say!!!

xoxo,
Jaime