Back to Work

How could this be? How could my time home with my angels already be up? Luckily I had 8 weeks of disability and was able to stay home for 10 weeks but to me it's still not long enough. It's been so nice to be able to go about our day without time restraints, without having to rush through the morning getting everything I need to do done before leaving for work and even better, being able to have playdates or do fun things without worrying what time it is and having to get to work.

Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky that I only work part-time, only 4 hours a day in the afternoons but still, it's 4 hours a day away from my little ones and I'm not ready for it. I know it's going to be hard to leave Payton, especially that she's so young and I don't want to miss anything but it's really killing me to leave Jack. I have enjoyed being home with him so much, coloring, playing with toys and watching him play with his baby sister. The best part though is being home when he wakes up from his nap. When I work I put him down for a nap before i leave so that it is easier on Grandma who watches him and when he wakes up it's Grandma that gets him. Being the one that walks in his room and seeing the smile on his face when he says 'Mommy, I wake up' has been the best and it's one of the things I am going to miss the most! I also feel bad because I know he is going to miss having me home too. Being that he is 2.5yrs old now and understands so much more but doesn't understand everything just yet, it's going to be hard for him I think to not have be here 24/7.

I also have some mommy guilt. I know it's ridiculous but I can't help it. With Jack I worked full time in the city, had maternity leave/disability, vacation time and some unpaid leave that left me home with him for 4 months. This time around I work part-time, no vacation time to use and so I have to go back when Payton is only 2 months old (well a little more, but you get the idea). I feel like I am slighting her, I know she doesn't know and really in the long run I am doing what is best for our family but still, it's hard :o(

So tomorrow is my last day home before work starts on Monday and I plan on snuggling with my babies as much as humanly possible and lord help the person that tries to take one of my babies out of my arms tomorrow, hahaha.